I ask myself a simple set of questions everyday, "Am I mean?, Have I hurt anyone recently?, Do I deserve to live this day?, And Do I Deserve the friends I have?. Many answers are the same, a simplified "Yes" "No" Sequence, But lately, I have continued asking and asking more and more often, as if trying to catch myself off guard trying to find the correct answer. Even worse, accusations, I am told what I am from people who barely even know Me for "ME" People accuse and push and prod, expecting me to accept this all as a simple questioning motion. I hate it when people do that, i utterly despise the moral fact that people can look at me and judge me, when I myself dont judge them, and even if i do, I keep it to myself and act accordingly after getting to know the person. My inner self is in a heavy conflict, as if its D-Day all over again the good is being killed so fast and ruthlessly, yet they continue insisting on never giving up. But the hate and anger continue to win this battle, Some days the good will thrive and others the hate will thrive, but on most days it stays at a neutral stand off, No gun shots, no movement, no sound, My mind and body are in a depressed Neutral state, My normal persone. My home away from home, My mind, My imagination, The hope that my life will be more than just learn, learn, work, reproduce, die. I want more and the more I hope the further I fall, But in my travels I have always learned to pick myself and have come to looking at it as a hate able passion. I love to be pushed and prodded, and pulled, and kicked, and punched when I am not looking, Mainly because it proves one simple thing, I am better, I am better than you and anyone else who can do such things. I live my life as I should, Not by a book, or a person. By myself. I control what happens around me, and when I die, I die. I accept death as a natural thing, yes I am scared of it, but I will not deny it when it is my time to go. People ask me.....day after day.... "How was your day?" I of course answer "Good" I dont want to set the heavy burden of myself on others, instead I accept the others and anyone else's loads, I will help, and carry all this heavy weight, If no one can help the weak, then why continue at all...
Not much of a poem, more so of a lotta mixed thoughts, alot of irritation and hate, and happiness thrown into it.... Also i mean no offence to soem one if they are happening to find something that does anger them, for some reason.... |
mich2491 : i liked it kinda how i feel allot of the time... hope i dont do that everday to you some times i have some crap i put on ya...death is death thats all it doesnt change it all comes to one end rotting... your said soul may go some where esle but your body no matter what rots... ya im mostly at a neutral state i dont let my angry out but metal lets my lessen the hatered in side my self.. my head and metal that i let in is what keeps me alive... if i didnt have those 2 things i would be dead by now... suicde hasnt been a to far off thoguth for me in the past but i know i coudnlt put my body to that kinda of pain but ever day i put my body to a test of how much pain can it take before i kill my self.. hands growing old of pain lungs and other organs growing bad of punisment i put them throw.....when i was younger i thought i would live to be 80 now that time is passing im thinking and seeing my age of my death closeing in sooner and sooner 75, 70, 50,45,30, theres so much i hide in side... no body knows its great its like my own secert world know body sees my true thoguhts i have great thoughts and theroys but they are fastly forgotten never time to right them down my outter self loses all the memory of thinking it. but when im alone it all comes crawling back to me in my solitude, were metal over welming my head or tv blanking out of my sight as i sit there not moving my braining wandering around by its self but then it all gone locked away in my deep thoguhts not to surface again untill the next time that time comes...
Rukia15 : Wow! this is something that I would write. Very well written and same thing about the emotions and thoughts. Oh I just love it!!
Heru : Thanks ^_^ What no sleep and messages on myspace that completely annoy you will do huh? lol but anyways, thanks for the comment...
ocean sky : I like the poem, i'd say some of it is how i kinda think, i just hate people judging me without knowing me first, and i also like to carry the heavy burden on my shoulder's, no one else but me! But hey, well writen heru, i like it ^_^