My week

okay so Stephen and his ex Kayli had been writing notes, i knew but it didnt bother me, Stephen is not someone who would cheat, but anyways they had been passing notes between classes and then Sydney and Micha are flipping out in the hallway. they practically tackle me and then tell me that they told eachother that they missed eachother and were still in love. Stephen told her everytime he looked in her eyes he got sad and he missed her and still loved her. Kayli said the same. i immediatly got depressed that i couldnt make him happy and he loved someone more than me, then i got mad at him i was mad because i wasnt used to people affecting me with so much pain, and i was furious that he could be my first boyfriend and screw it all up and kiss me and hug me and tell me he loves me when he loves someone prettier and sweeter than me. so i glared a hole in the back of his head in Health so he asked me why i gave him a dirty look. i told him i didnt give him a dirty look and he needed to watch the movie.(very mean way) then i got even more mad but more at myself for ever hoping i could take Kayli's place or even make a space of my own. so when he talked to me in remedial math i was an even bigger bitch to him. then i got even more frustrated at myself for being so mean when he was being so nice. he kept asking what was wrong and he told me it made him sad to see me unhappy. so he finally figured out why i was so upset, and he told me it was stupid and he had been mad(>< has nothing to do with telling someone you love them) and he understood why i was mad. MIcha talked to him at lunch and told me that he had meant it in a sisterly brotherly love and he had missed the friendship he lost when they started dating. Kayli said that was a lie and they still loved eachother. he says everythings fine with him and i said the same although i am totally depressed. But now kayli said that she was really confused and she just missed the way he treated her and now is dating someone. i have no idea what happened besides what i wrote so i dont know if Stephen still likes her or not in our note he didnt deny it but i didnt specifically ask that question and he didnt know if i had taken it as brotherly or bom chica wowa love. and the wierd thing is i am absoultally terrified to ask him directly because he acts like nothing happened and i am to afraid that he will say he loves her more...he was so happy with her...i dont know if i could ever compete... shes so much prettier than i am and shes a cheerleader really peppy and happy, im really quite and wear all black. he is emo to but i dont know if he likes happy people better. and her mom and him got along really well they still talk but i havent even told my parents about him. im to scared. but all in all we didnt resolve anything but everything id fine. I love him. it isnt hard for me to say it either. but watever im always depressed nothing new. ok but now the happy parts. Ok i saw the touch my body video and it was so funny i laughed till i cried. Micha told me i actually looked human today w.e thats supposed to mean she said i always look dead because when i space out(majority of the time) my stare is empty. she said i actually looked alive -.- jerk. i cant take complements and stephen keeps calling me pretty and sexy etc. so i blush and tell him im not and he persists in convincing me i am.>< so annoying and he wont let me call him sexy >